After two months away from the blog, I logged in today with every intention of changing everything. Again.
How many of you were with me for last year's blogging journey? A few of you, I know.
And how many times did my layout, theme, even NAME change? Several. Yes, several times each.
That is because I have never liked stagnancy. I'm so cautious not to become stagnant that this behavioral quirk masquerades as a freaky irrational fear.
What I've really come here to talk about today is humility.
This blog was never supposed to just be about food. It's so hard to know how to communicate how God has used a food journey to draw me nearer to him. To teach me humility. To show me his forgiveness. To give me practice forgiving others. Etc. I've been disappointed with my meager efforts at explaining it in the past. But I'm up for trying again. In fact I'm excited to.
So lets try that sentence again: That is because I have never liked stagnancy. When I was a kid I judged my mother for being boring. I swore to never be boring.
I swore to never be boring.
Have you ever had to break down an old old vow? Down to it's toxic root?
It is impossible without Jesus.
But when Jesus intercedes for us, the result is... sweet. Sweet humility. Many many sweet things.
(Do you know that Jesus prays to the father for you? He does! Isn't that good news?)
THAT is what this blog is about. Jesus. And mothers.
I'm going to talk about forgiving people (especially mothers) and letting them off the hook. About being unafraid to resemble your mother - having no expectation that you will ever be the same as her (whether you see that as positive or negative) About seeing your mother through new eyes and, for those of us who have children, actually learning from our mothers.
Learning from MY mother.
So are you starting to understand why I haven't changed the layout today?
Yes, it's something about realizing I don't have to twitch. I'm not crazy and neither am I boring. My mother isn't boring. The vow is dead and the pain forgiven. Jesus has set me free from my debt to all the years I've spent in sin.
From now on if I change something I hope it will be because I want to. Not because I hate stagnancy with a virulent and wrathful justice. I don't.
I hate sin.